More of my depression

[Zeality]

I feel that if I don't resolve this somehow externally, I can't overcome it.

Since starting college yesterday, I've been unbelievably depressed. I dread going, or doing anything related to college. I can't fathom doing this, even for a semester. Time seems to carry me into things that injure me and leave me behind; I can't seem to focus or gain the confidence to run with my own feet.

I've searched for the cause -- I think it might be the fact that I am completely responsible for going here, unlike the assignment to high school and below which is out of a minor's control -- and that I have totally ignored the issue of college until it hit me by way of passing time. I agreed quietly to go here simply because the scholarship was huge; I have the luxury of living at home and yet being able to see the campus from far off. The scholarship cannot be passed up, which makes me feel trapped in this situation. All these responsibilities pound me into a dead scream; my Major is undecided, and I don't know what the hell I want to do in life, yet these General Education courses won't last forever and I want to commit to something.

Moreover, I feel as if I've died. My desires to seek a true, consummate and romantic love were more meaningful when I was younger; now it seems difficult to imagine any relationship without sex. There are still some that make me feel strange within, but most girls are simply meat, or seem to be.

Bruce Lee made it through college, but I can't feel independent and strong like him in this state. I'm still at home, where everything of my past exists to remind me. If I were a sudden amnesiac, I'm sure I would examine my current situation and run full-speed into it, wanting to achieve and gain everything I could. Martial Arts, and other things just seem like a form of escape; my chronically depressed friend on Zoloft simply told me to stop thinking, but I could never do that.

I feel dead and aimless. Not even watching my usual positive reinforces help me, such as Rock Lee/Bruce Lee/Bourne Identity/Last Samurai. Listening to Enya can't shake this feeling of depression from me. In my current state, I'm only submitting to the passage of time.

I don't know why. I've reasoned plenty in this thread alone why it is absurd, but I'm sad and sorrowful regardless. I'm considering stopping life as it stands right now just to gain access to some therapist or something. I'm tired of holding my values of love and lucidity to myself. I want to be recognized for them; have them acknowledged as beautiful, wonderful things...

[Sterling]

Sounds like school has pressed an avil on your head.
The only thing I have to say is: Throw a one-last party this weekend. The only one party you can have to kick off the year. Have some fun, play DDR or Mario with a huge group of friends. College isn't all work.

[Moguta]

Somehow, Sterling, I don't think something that simple is going to work here. Although it may be a good idea anyway. ;)

Zeal, does your school's facilites include a counseling center or anything? (Not course counselors, obviously.) I know my former college did. Might give you a chance to talk to someone without "stopping life as it stands"... although I'm not sure why you think seeing a therapist would require that in the first place.

EDIT: And all of this started just yesterday? You've been feeling absolutely fine beforehand?

[Jessperk]

If something like this just happened all of a sudden, then I'm sure it wouldn't last long. I don't think that's the case though.

Counseling might help a bit, even if just to clear up your mind for a while so you can see straight. My suggestion would be just to stick with a subject that you can stand, and if you should find some inspiration to do something differently, go with it.

[hillarygayle]

Irrational sadness is kinda similar to irrational fear. I know something about both. My mother went through a bout of clinical depression when I was in junior high. Very sad, very stressed, and completely unable to tell you why. I myself have an irrational fear: I'm terrified of flying in any form. Momma went for counseling and was prescribed Wellbutrin in the short term. She was later completely able to get off it, and in looking back, she can see that a major change (our family opened our own business) triggered the depression. With a little bit of counseling (from our preacher) and a lot of support, I'm able to get on a plane, regardless of the fear I feel.

The answer to your problem is 2-fold. Get help to face this, then FACE IT. However you need to fix this, do it. You're stronger than it is.

[HoundRogerson]

i think the problem here is that you are in school for reasons that are not your own.

parents, the scholarship, those are external influences. you need to find a driving force that you want. and i dont mean want as in 'this is good enough', i mean want as in W-A-N-T, a burning desire that won't be fulfilled until the goal has been acheived.

find yourself, find the path that you will walk. forget about girls, and relationships. that will come in time, just find what you want first.

and about depression, this might sound weird, but enjoy it. smother yourself in it, for i have found that depression has led to every good story ive ever written, every decent picture ive ever drawn.

granted it does weigh heavy on the soul, but it can help you to understand what life means to you. depression takes you 'outside the box', and lets to see the world, and your life through a veil of grief that can get you to see things in a different light. that light might just be able to give you the inspiration you need to find the path i mentioned above.

[Shael Riley]

As a Resident Assistant, I'm trained to deal with situations not unlike your own. It is extremely common for incoming freshmen, during their first few days at school, to feel as though they've made an overwhelming mistake in enrolling at a university. Fortunately, the solution is simple: Masturbate, masturbate, masturbate!

That or go to the couneling center; I mean, that's why they're there.

[Symmetry]

I don't know why. I've reasoned plenty in this thread alone why it is absurd, but I'm sad and sorrowful regardless. I'm considering stopping life as it stands right now just to gain access to some therapist or something. I'm tired of holding my values of love and lucidity to myself. I want to be recognized for them; have them acknowledged as beautiful, wonderful things...

I'm absolutely braindead at the moment, so expect more in a later post - but I'm going to say that this is square one of your problems.

Nothing is worse the feeling that you will never be in love or be loved. When you feel this way, you tend to view everything else in a negative light. Granted, the feeling comes and goes - at times you don't even think about it - but when it occurs to you that you are indeed alone, all hope disappears into the abyss.

There are temporary ways around that feeling, but nothing satisfing as having that other half filled. And while you want to shut the world out, that's just going to make the problem worse.

Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree. Maybe not.

[Zeality]

Thank you for your posts. Ispent a good hour listening to (though I'm reluctant to admit) my Linkin Park mix CD. I often spend more time making fun of that band and the emo station that always plays it, but it really is a soundtrack to dysfunction, problems, and the hardness and toughness to go through with it. I'm going to make my life meaningful; I'm going to spend every second in total lucidity and dream-chasing, and I'm going to attain true, heartfelt, undeniable love -- and confirm it eternally. To hell with the rest of these problems and frustrations.

[Cruton]

I'm going to make my life meaningful; I'm going to spend every second in total lucidity and dream-chasing, and I'm going to attain true, heartfelt, undeniable love -- and confirm it eternally.

This is your plan?

[sempaimiles]

Hey man...college is HARD. Hard on everybody. It's compedative, it's new, it's different, it's your first real life experiance, and yes, it's lonely at times. When I first showed up at my college...I was alone. I toughed it out though, concentrated on my work, and eventualy found some great people, and we began to support each other. Now I'm heading into my second year full of confidence and ready for another great year! Go in with your head up and your teeth gritted, it will be tough but trust me, it can only get better if you try hard!

-Miles

[missinglink]

I'm going to make my life meaningful; I'm going to spend every second in total lucidity and dream-chasing, and I'm going to attain true, heartfelt, undeniable love -- and confirm it eternally.

This is your plan?

Thank you cruton for reminding us that the world is still full of idiots.

Zeality I'm glad for you. Dream chasing is what has kept me going most of my life. Remember that dreaming is free so feel free to do it whenever you want. As for the relationships, well I havent been in many relationships but the ones I have been in were great. The thing I've learned to do is wait. Wait for that person to come to you. You'll know when it happens. I've waited and I found the girl of my dreams but I lost her then I waited again and she came back into my life and we are uber happy. The best things in life are worth waiting for. Hang in there.

[Symmetry]

Cruton, I think your posts in the other thread (open discussion...) were actually humourous at points - and if you want to screw around in a thread posted for you, then do so.

But honestly, don't go being an ass in someone else's serious thread. There's zero humour in that.

And ROFL!1 in huge font was funny once or twice, but its getting old now. (Despite your failure to spell it correctly.) At the very least, show some creativity and mix it up a bit.

[Cruton]

Actually, I was being serious, then I got insulted.

It always seems to elude you people who started what. The blame always seems to be selective. Is it deliberate? or are you really not paying attention?

[Symmetry]

Actually, I was being serious, then I got insulted.

It always seems to elude you people who started what. The blame always seems to be selective. Is it deliberate? or are you really not paying attention?

In reference to your first post:


This is your plan?

I'd call that being an ass. You weren't being constructive in any way, shape, or form. If you felt ZeaLity's solution wasn't good enough, you could at least have taken the time to explain yourself a little more. But you didn't. I'm going to guess that's because you had nothing to say and merely wanted to be difficult.

Yes, my blame is selective. You threw the first punch, therefore I'm going to target you first.

And your ROFL1! merely drove home my point that you had nothing worthwhile to say.

[Iskandar]

eh, I'd call it honest.

[Symmetry]

I'd call it honest if he'd explained himself in the first place. And that's all I have to say now, for this is wandering off the original point of the thread.

[Cruton]

I'd call it honest if he'd explained himself in the first place. And that's all I have to say now, for this is wandering off the original point of the thread.
Everyone who doesn't explain themselves is an asshole now? You're really well on your way in defining your OUS ettiquete and behavior ideals, and I wouldn't publicize them lest your looking for further ridicule.
Nope, I'd call you an asshole for continuously insulting me without a good reason. I was quite serious in my first post, and honest. Sounded like a fucking stupid plan, as I implicated.

[Zeality]

I'd call it honest if he'd explained himself in the first place. And that's all I have to say now, for this is wandering off the original point of the thread.
Everyone who doesn't explain themselves is an asshole now? You're really well on your way in defining your OUS ettiquete and behavior ideals, and I wouldn't publicize them lest your looking for further ridicule.
Nope, I'd call you an asshole for continuously insulting me without a good reason. I was quite serious in my first post, and honest. Sounded like a fucking stupid plan, as I implicated.

Lolz u suk at muzzak

WAT

W/E

[Cruton]

You're probably right. W/E. Don't suicide on us now B/C we'd miss you. W/E

[Zeality]

You're probably right. W/E. Don't suicide on us now B/C we'd miss you. W/E

fuck://you

You don't seem to have all of Protricity's mannerisms. If you aren't Protricity, I commend you for being an ass of his calibre. CHEERS

[fats9000]

I THINKS ZEALITIE NEEDS 2 GET LAYED!!!11

2 BAD TEH ONLIE WAY TAHT IS GOIGN 2 HAPPAN IZ IF HE PIKS UP A HOOKAR!!!11

ROFL1!

LOLOLOL LOOK AT TEH SIZE OF TAHT THING IT R HUGEEGEE LIEK PENIS!!!!!111

[lola]

The solution to your depression is obviously to play more Chrono Trigger, you easily delusioned peabrained faggot.

[Greg Kennedy]

I'm going to make my life meaningful; I'm going to spend every second in total lucidity and dream-chasing, and I'm going to attain true, heartfelt, undeniable love -- and confirm it eternally.

This is your plan?
I'd say yes, since he posted it. This is, in fact, his plan.

Got anything else to add?

[Cruton]

I'm going to make my life meaningful; I'm going to spend every second in total lucidity and dream-chasing, and I'm going to attain true, heartfelt, undeniable love -- and confirm it eternally.

This is your plan?
I'd say yes, since he posted it. This is, in fact, his plan.

Got anything else to add?

Yea, and I already added. Way to pay attention.

[Ybrik Metaknight]

"Got anything else to add" typically means "Is there anything left that you want to say that you haven't already said." Way to use the part of your brain that interprets the meaning of words.

[Nodame]

I feel that if I don't resolve this somehow externally, I can't overcome it.

Since starting college yesterday, I've been unbelievably depressed. I dread going, or doing anything related to college. I can't fathom doing this, even for a semester. Time seems to carry me into things that injure me and leave me behind; I can't seem to focus or gain the confidence to run with my own feet.

I've searched for the cause -- I think it might be the fact that I am completely responsible for going here, unlike the assignment to high school and below which is out of a minor's control -- and that I have totally ignored the issue of college until it hit me by way of passing time. I agreed quietly to go here simply because the scholarship was huge; I have the luxury of living at home and yet being able to see the campus from far off. The scholarship cannot be passed up, which makes me feel trapped in this situation. All these responsibilities pound me into a dead scream; my Major is undecided, and I don't know what the hell I want to do in life, yet these General Education courses won't last forever and I want to commit to something.

Moreover, I feel as if I've died. My desires to seek a true, consummate and romantic love were more meaningful when I was younger; now it seems difficult to imagine any relationship without sex. There are still some that make me feel strange within, but most girls are simply meat, or seem to be.

Bruce Lee made it through college, but I can't feel independent and strong like him in this state. I'm still at home, where everything of my past exists to remind me. If I were a sudden amnesiac, I'm sure I would examine my current situation and run full-speed into it, wanting to achieve and gain everything I could. Martial Arts, and other things just seem like a form of escape; my chronically depressed friend on Zoloft simply told me to stop thinking, but I could never do that.

I feel dead and aimless. Not even watching my usual positive reinforces help me, such as Rock Lee/Bruce Lee/Bourne Identity/Last Samurai. Listening to Enya can't shake this feeling of depression from me. In my current state, I'm only submitting to the passage of time.

I don't know why. I've reasoned plenty in this thread alone why it is absurd, but I'm sad and sorrowful regardless. I'm considering stopping life as it stands right now just to gain access to some therapist or something. I'm tired of holding my values of love and lucidity to myself. I want to be recognized for them; have them acknowledged as beautiful, wonderful things...

man, you should definetly write about your experince, you have a amazing way with words! thats what I usually do. I would go on about how depressing it is, I wrie it and it seems to be off my chest before I know it. I know your gonna just stop and enjoy life, but I feel that with all the bad, there is always some good. best if you just accept it.

[Cruton]

"Got anything else to add" typically means "Is there anything left that you want to say that you haven't already said." Way to use the part of your brain that interprets the meaning of words.
???????
If you keep dropping the ball like this, I'm going to have to cut you from the team.

[creech42]

"Got anything else to add" typically means "Is there anything left that you want to say that you haven't already said." Way to use the part of your brain that interprets the meaning of words.
???????
If you keep dropping the ball like this, I'm going to have to cut you from the team.

Stop the feeding in '04.

[Zeality]

I might do an autobio, but I'm just worried that I'll have a tone in describing my history that may change in the future.

[Shonen Samurai]

Cruton, explaining every opinion you have on a message board is something that I don't understand either--it's like showing your work on a math problem...I have no fucking clue why I have to do it but for some reason people always want me to.

Sometimes you just gotta say shit.

I don't agree with your sentiments on Zeality's predicament but I do agree with you about explaining oneself.

Middle ground, gotta love it.

Hey Zeality, sorry for taking up space in your thread when I don't have much to contribute.

My one firm piece of advice I give to all depressed people is not to turn into jello over shit like this.

You've gotta have something that makes you happy. So do that. Even if everything else sucks you've got that one thing.

[Ybrik Metaknight]

You've gotta have something that makes you happy. So do that. Even if everything else sucks you've got that one thing.

Boy, that's the goddamned truth.

[Knightz OTR]

heres a few tips that could help alot: (2 and 3 are by far the most important)

1. Small talk (very important) gets you to know people and make friends

2. Sunlight...keep your shades up allll the time (im serious) dark rooms tend to make already-existing depression worse

3. Find something that you can do every day that you find fun (join the pep band, join some kind of organization where people share a common interest)

4. Get out, dont let your room be a prison...go outside for a walk or visit a friend (actually force yourself out of your room to do something)

5. Call a friend and eat in the cafeteria more often than in your room, and if your friend is going to hang out with other people, let that friend act as the perso who introduces you to new friends

6. Keep the door to your room open when your there

I know these are just some small steps but they can make a world of difference, and make college life alot more bearable. I know exactly how you feel, I went through it second semester last year, and almost flunked out because of it, but people helped me out and got me to see the school psychiatrist and this is what he told me could help out alot.

[Cruton]

Cruton, explaining every opinion you have on a message board is something that I don't understand either--it's like showing your work on a math problem...I have no fucking clue why I have to do it but for some reason people always want me to.

Sometimes you just gotta say shit.

I don't agree with your sentiments on Zeality's predicament but I do agree with you about explaining oneself.

Middle ground, gotta love it.



I don't have to take this kinda attitude from you people anymore.

This is my LAST POST EVER. BYE!

[SaveSuperJoe]

interesting how he agreed with you, and yet you don't want that "attitude". Eh, whatever. And Zeal, umm yeah, what other people said seems like sound advice.

[Ybrik Metaknight]

I think I should go to TCU's counseling center. My depression is starting to creep back, slowly but surely, and I don't want it to spiral out of control like it did before.

[lola]

Man, what a bunch of fags.